
SOMETIMES (most of the time) it’s probably wiser to resist commenting on Facebook posts.
In  the last week or two there have been posts, written by two Facebook  friends, about women who admit to regretting having children. You can  imagine the responses, including to my comments saying that I can relate  to such feelings. It’s just not the done thing to admit that parenthood  may not be the smartest choice you’ve made.
We go on about how it’s OK  to make mistakes, but heaven forbid that the mistakes should be  baby-shaped. I may be wrong but it also feels like that it’s especially  shocking if a woman says that she’s doesn’t like being or doesn’t want  to be a mother.
Why, she might as well be admitting to infanticide.
Why  am I bringing this up in a column about books for children and teens?  It’s because I think books play a part in shaping the way society views  girls and the women they grow up to be. For girls, it’s hard to avoid  the traditional stereotypes of women as mothers and wives.
Look, even  kick-ass Katniss in 
The Hunger Games Trilogy ends up with a  partner and a child. And most of my favourite fictional female  characters become wives, or at very least, fall in love by the final  page of their stories.
Now I’m not saying there’s anything wrong  with falling in love, marrying and having children, but I am saying that  authors should portray alternative routes to a happy and fulfilled  life. I’m trying hard to think of fictional heroines who skip happily  into the sunset, alone and joyful, but right now I can only think of  Tove Jansson’s Little My, Astrid Lindgren’s Pippi Longstocking, and two  nannies: Mary Poppins, the titular character from P.L. Travers’ books,  and Nurse Matilda from the trilogy by Christianna Brand.
All four are  decidedly unconventional females, but My and Pippi are just children,  while Mary and Matilda, although unmarried and childless, are still  given the traditionally female role of care-giver.
Even my beloved harum scarum Jo March (from 
Little Women) becomes totally domesticated, marrying an older man (in 
Good Wives), running a school and playing mother to a whole brood of children (in 
Little Men and 
Jo’s Boys)  and committing the unforgivable sin of keeping an ex-student and her  niece, Bess, apart because she feels the working-class lad is not a  suitable match for the prissy young lady.
There is Nan, a young girl in 
Little Men, who remains unmarried and goes to medical school, but characters like her are rare and don’t get much space on the page.
New fiction continues to be full of female characters who spend a great deal of time wondering when their prince will come. 
Codename Verity is  a recent exception, but the girls in that book seemed more interested  in one another than in men. It’s as if lesbians are the only women who  might safely avoid being married with children.
In fact, as I’ve  mentioned earlier, young women who don’t desire motherhood and marriage  are often viewed as freaks. It’s unlikely the authors of young adult and  children’s fiction think this way, but they are, by and large, products  of a world still very much fixed in its ideas of gender and gender  roles. Also, romance (and sex) sells.
The problem is, of course,  what Nigerian novelist Chimamanda Adichie calls the “danger of the  single story”: if just one version of something – a people, a culture, a  religion, etc – is portrayed then it soon becomes the only version that  is believed and accepted and taken for granted as the truth. The  “danger of the single story” is that it creates and reinforces  stereotypes.
So, in terms of describing what girls want, it just  supports the already firm belief that we are naturally maternal  creatures who crave the love of a good man (or any man, really) and the  cosy feeling of a child at our breast ... or simply being asked to the  prom and being kissed by the time we’re 16.
I’ve just thought of a  female character who resists the conventions of marriage and motherhood  to go to university: Mattie Gorkey from Jennifer Donelly’s 
A Gathering Light is  more interested in reading than dating. For Mattie, words are the key  to a new life and to freedom. I wish there were more female characters  like Mattie.
Also, more female characters who have more  interesting things to think about than romance; female characters who  grow up and don’t get married and are happy; female characters who  choose to be childless and never regret it. These women exist, we know  they do, they just need to appear more in books, that’s all.
Tots to Teens
By DAPHNE LEE
>Daphne  Lee is a writer, editor, book reviewer and teacher. She runs a Facebook  group, called The Places You Will Go, for lovers of all kinds of  literature. Write to her at star2@thestar.com.my. 
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