Texting dilutes relationships

In our fast-paced world, texting is taking the place of face-to-face social encounters and devaluing our relationships. - AFP Photo

When people communicate with gadgets, rather than face-to-face; we increase the quantity, but perhaps not the quality, of our interactions.

I DON’T want to say something that is so painfully apparent that I get labelled as Captain Obvious, or even worse, as Admiral Apparent; but technology is changing the way we live.

Thank you, Ensign Evident.

Specifically, the way we socially interact is changing, and I’m not talking about our friendships on your favourite social media network. A recent study in the United States showed that more and more people are using their phones not to actually talk to anyone but to text.

The ratio of texts to phone calls was 5-1. In fact, texting is becoming the preferred method to ask someone out. That should come as no surprise, as the alternatives of the awkward phone call, or worse – the sweaty, white-knuckled face-to-face ask-out – are just terrible options; so terrible that it’s a wonder humans could even reproduce prior to the text message.

About one third of those surveyed said that they prefer to ask the person they are interested in to meet in a group setting, rather than meeting for a one-on-one traditional date.

The rationale, besides the obviousness of it being less awkward, is that if they don’t click, they will waste less time, as opposed to several hours on a date.

Which makes it seem that people are like paperbacks which should be judged by their synopsis before one commits to spend time with that person.

But why is texting becoming the way that we socially interact? It seems like the refuge of the introvert, but it’s so widespread that it can’t just be introverts who are choosing this method of communication. Extroverts – those assertive bold individuals that crave and seem to thrive off human interaction – must also be texting, even if it seems to go against their nature.

Why is this? The advantage to texting, even if you’re an extrovert, is that you engage others on your own time and pace. The great thing about texts is you can take the time to get it right, whereas in a face-to-face encounter, the right words may only come at the end of the conversation.

Also, phone calls and speaking face-to-face have the problem where you actually have to listen to the other person, you know ... talk. Even that takes time.

In a text message, first off, most people won’t send you a life story via text. Secondly, if you see a message more than a sentence long, you can simply skim it, or not read it at all and fire back an emoticon.

Not sure what to say? Or didn’t even bother reading? Send that smiley with the grimace, it’s emotionally ambiguous.

If people were telling a happy story, this Swiss army knife of emoticons looks sufficiently pleasant that they’ll think you get it; if the story was tragic, it looks dissatisfied enough that they’ll think you empathise with them. Emoticons are the inauthentic, ineffectual, pre-packaged greeting cards of text messaging.

Does this mean texting is making us all into self-centered introverts? Yes it does.

There’s no other way around it. If texting takes the edge off asking people for dates and conversing, it also takes the edge off rejecting people.

It’s hard to say “no” to someone face-to-face, but over a text message, it’s easy. That’s why there’re so many confrontational people in online forums and message boards on the Internet.

How many people do you argue with in real life? And how many people do you argue with online? If you’re sucked into actually commenting on the Internet, you’ll probably end up arguing with everyone!

If texting makes it easier to interact because the weight of interaction is reduced, it also makes our relationships more fleeting. Take for instance an interaction I had the other night on Steam, a gaming platform. I logged on with a couple of friends to get some online gaming going on. One of them introduced me to a friend, and we added him to our party.

Now when I say introduced, I mean he typed “My friend wants to play”, and he then popped up on the messaging service and said, “Hi”. That was it. He was in.

One of my friends just disappeared – went AFK or “Away From Keyboard” – something that probably wouldn’t happen in real life. It’s not like we’d agree to play squash and then somebody just walked away without telling us, that would be rude. But online, it was accepted.

Then my other friend had trouble with his computer and had to reboot. I ended up playing with the friend of a friend, who I didn’t know at all, except that we’d said hello.

Now that is the great thing about the Internet and texting. We started playing and it was fine, communicating like we knew each other, polite laughter and all. Halfway through the game, I started having trouble with my connection, and thinking it might be a sign (to perhaps go off and write this article!), I exited the game without bothering to sign back in and give an explanation to my new “friend”.

I too had just walked out of the squash game with no explanation, because I knew it wouldn’t really bother the stranger I’d been playing with, and I’m sure it didn’t bother him.

Communicating via text is great, it’s easy, it puts things on our own terms. But maybe human relations were never meant to be that simple, and ultimately, relationships are reciprocal – we get out of them what we put in, and if all we put in are text messages ... then that’s really all we’ll get back.

Big Smile No Teeth by JASON GODFREY
Jason Godfrey can be seen hosting The LINK on Life Inspired (Astro B.yond Ch 728).

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Youngsters lured by power, money and glamour !

Peddling drugs: Crime offenders are not just getting younger but also more aggressive, preferring ‘high-risk, big-gain’ offences to petty crime.

Serious crimes are no longer just committed by hardened criminals. There has been a rise in the number of cases involving teenagers and youngsters.

BOON was only 16 when he was recruited by a gang. Within months, he was peddling the party drug “ice” at nightspots. “I rose up the ranks very fast and was given the nickname ‘Tiger’.

“The gang leader trusted me and I was even allowed to help ‘manage the girls’ (prostitutes),” recalls the school dropout who comes from a broken home.

Married at the age of 20, Boon decided to leave his life of crime and is now working as a dishwasher in the United Kingdom.

“My wife left me and I have a little daughter to think about now. I need to earn enough to ensure a good future for her,” he adds.

Boon believes that if he had not walked away as he did then, he would have “progressed” to heavier crimes and probably end up in jail.

Lured by power, money and glamour, more teenagers and other youngsters are getting involved in serious crimes and living on the edge. Boon is one of the lucky ones who managed to break out of the vicious cycle.

Crime offenders are not just getting younger but also more aggressive, preferring “high-risk, big-gain” offences to petty crime, psychologist and criminologist Dr Geshina Ayu Mat Saat observes.

“Influenced by the glamorous lifestyles of local and foreign celebrities, movies and social networking on the Internet, more youngsters are purposely exposing themselves to criminal activities. Their level of aggression (as seen in the severity of their crimes) is today almost on par with their adult counterparts,” adds Dr Geshina, who is with Universiti Sains Malaysia’s Forensic Science Programme.

Her interviews with juveniles indicate that they see involvement in serious crimes as more exciting because they get a sense of power and higher monetary reward.

“Their logic is, why get involved in petty thefts when distributing drugs provides more money? There’s also an element of ignorance as to the punitive consequences of their actions to themselves and their families.”

Why so violent? 

There are many reasons for aggressive and violent behaviour.

Research has shown that there are the psychological and biological aspects, family dynamics, peer pressure, economic reasons, lack of morality and religiosity and environmental cues at play, Dr Geshina notes.

“There’s no one single ‘formula’ to identify the reasons for violent actions but the dominant determinant is having an anti-social personality which has been shaped during childhood,” she says.

Psychologist and family therapist Datuk Dr Mat Saat Baki finds teenagers and young adults more violent and sexually aggressive these days. Society should shoulder some blame, he says.

“Teenagers are getting more difficult to control because nowadays, society accepts violence as a way of life and a means of getting what you want. Take video games, for example. What’s popular in the market are video games that send the message: the more you kill, the higher you score,” he says, citing the easy access to violent pornographic material as another example.

“Exposure to pornography that glorifies the forced physical act of raping a girl sends the message that the more you control and dominate, the better you are. This can even result in forceful sex in relationships.”

He adds that youngsters are more brazen when they are acting in a group as they reassure and encourage each other to behave in a particular way.

“For instance, in a gang rape situation, they could be daring each other to ‘do it’ or (as a group), they want to punish a girl who has spurned the advances of one of their friends. Add drugs or alcohol into the mix, and the violence just escalates without them even realising it – it can get very dangerous, very fast,” he explains.

Safety activist K. Balasupramaniam says young criminals are not a new phenomenon but the gravity of the crimes and modus operandi are.

Young criminals are noticeably more advanced these days because of their Internet-savvy ways.

Having trained over 260,000 women from all walks of life in urban survival skills to date, he notes that Gen Y criminals have unlimited technological know-how thanks to the World Wide Web.

“Everything is at their fingertips – the latest technologies are a click away.

“They can buy almost any weapon online while CSI episodes and movies show them how crimes can be committed creatively.

“Unlike in the old days, we are not dealing with bicycle thefts any more. Young criminals have moved on to serious offences because they are an IT-savvy generation,” he says, adding that even children as young as nine now have Facebook and are able to see and copy what the adults are doing.

However, unlike adults who may think twice before committing an illegal act, juveniles won’t because they know that the law will be lenient with them.

He says the trend of movies portraying bad guys as heroes is also a problem.

“We are dealing with fast learners who are savvy in committing knowledge-based crimes. If nothing is done to curb this breed of young criminals, I fear the worst when Gen Z comes along.”

Dr Geshina, who works with many agencies including the police, is currently doing a holistic study of juvenile behaviour.

Her research aims to determine the reasons for juvenile involvement in crime, their profiles and contri­buting factors, and to chart criminal pathways based on adult criminal behaviour.

“One element in our study is aggressive behaviour,” she says. “The levels (of their aggressiveness) are also higher compared with normal members of the public.” The study is slated for completion by the end of the year.

Nipping crime in the bud 

Education and family intimacy are ways to curb aggression, violent and criminal behaviour, Dr Mat Saat opines. For example, in the case of rape, teenagers must be taught to cope with their sexual desires and peer pressure.

“They must know how to express themselves and channel their sexual energy in a proper, non-violent manner,” he says.

Stressing on the importance of sex education, he says it’s a misconception to claim that it teaches students to sleep around.

“On the contrary, sex education is important because it shows youngsters how to love, care, respect and relate to each other. It is about the art of living and includes topics like fertility and relationships,” he says.

He says it’s not enough for parents to inculcate good values in their kids.

“You need to monitor your children’s behaviour and the crowd they mix with because, ultimately, no matter what you teach them, it’s their choice to act in a certain way,” he stresses.

“Parents are good at giving guidelines but enforcement is another thing. Teenagers will say ‘I know better’ and they will seek validation from their peers and check for themselves to see if what you’ve said is acceptable.

“Parenting now is very different from the old days so you need to change your approach.”

Balasupramaniam emphasises strong family bonds and civic consciousness to prevent a young breed of criminals from booming.

Describing civic consciousness as the “antibody to crime”, he says the police omnipresence is not a long-term solution.

“You cannot stop the Internet and you definitely cannot stop access to knowledge – good or bad, so we need to bring back the days when kids were trained to do the right thing,” he says.

Dr Geshina believes negligent and abusive styles of parenting also increase children’s risk of exposure to crime.

Older criminals and criminal gangs seek out vulnerable youngsters, she opines.

Children in the above situations are “willing to be involved in gangs either because it’s where they can get tender, loving care and acceptance or because their parents simply can’t be bothered with what they are doing,” she says.

Advising parents to play their part in not exposing their children to criminal elements, Dr Geshina says there are “potential criminal” signs and behavioural patterns parents should look out for in their children.

Look out for a drastic change in behaviour, bringing or hiding different sets of clothes that are inconsistent with the reason cited for leaving the house, she says.

“A common sign is withdrawal from family activities, playing truant or skipping classes. (Instead of being with the family) they prefer to spend more time, including at night, with their peers or older children.”

Another tell-tale sign is when the value of the child’s belongings are more than what the parents can afford.

Mood swings, abnormal sleeping and speech patterns, among others, may indicate drug use.

The way children behave with others can also indicate bullying and anti-social behaviour.

“If your children are behaving more aggressively and want to hurt others, don’t engage in aggressive confrontations and hurl accusations. It will only make them less likely to cooperate and want to rebel by getting even more involved in crime.

“There are better ways to address problematic behaviour but parents should have been more aware from the onset so that criminal involvement does not occur in the first place,” she says.

Mother-of-four K. T. Yew, 56, admits to being overly protective of her four daughters but believes she has no choice as more youngsters are in the news lately for serious crimes.

“Every other day, I read about serious crimes being committed. Many of those arrested are so young, some are still in their teens,” she notes.

She makes it a point to tell her daughters, the youngest of whom is 17, of crime reports and repeatedly warns them to be selective of the company they keep.

“I’m very strict but ultimately, it’s they who must differentiate between what’s right and wrong. I can only hope that the values I’ve instilled in them will keep them safe,” she says

By CHRISTINA CHIN The Star/Asia News Network

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Costly mobile Net surfing overseas!

Data charges can go up to thousands of ringgit if phone usage not monitored

 
Be careful when surfing the Internet on your handphone while overseas — you may end up being asked to pay the price of a car.

PETALING JAYA: A mobile user was in the Middle East for 12 days and was slapped with a RM122,703 bill for data roaming. Another went on a four-day trip to Singapore and was charged RM23,000 for checking her e-mail during the trip.

Be careful with that smartphone. Surfing the Internet on your mobile phone while overseas can be very costly. If you are not careful, you could end up with data roaming charges exceeding the price of a car.

Even the big names are not spared. One “victim” of excessive roaming charges was Communi­cation and Multimedia Minister Datuk Seri Ahmad Shabery Cheek, who received a bill shocker after a short trip to Indonesia.

“I only used data roaming for a few minutes towards the end of my stay but I was billed RM4,500 for it,” he told The Star.

According to the Communica­tions and Multimedia Consumer Forum of Malaysia (CFM), complaints against telcos increased in the last two years, with mobile data charges and data roaming being the main grouses.

CFM said it received 1,191 cases on billing and charging last year. In the first half of this year, it received 1,018 complaints.

CFM director Ahmad Izham Khairuddin added: “The complaints used to be mostly about poor coverage, but they’ve changed since 2011.”

CFM was set up by the Malaysian Communications and Multimedia Commission in 2001.

In the case involving the complainant with the RM122,703 bill, CFM mediated and the consumer was given an 88% discount, with a 10% rebate and partial payment arrangements.

The complainant, however, has yet to accept the settlement.

In another case, Sara Kamal (not her real name), 45, complained that she was sent a bill for RM23,000 after using data roaming for four days while on a business trip to Singapore in 2011.

“I was shocked when I got the bill as I had only checked my e-mail during lunch and dinner while I was there. The telco said it was because my data roaming was on. Even though the bill was settled by my company, I felt really bad,” said the manager.

The National Consumer Com­plaints Centre (NCCC), too, has received many similar complaints.

“Since January, we’ve received about 300 complaints on telcos. Two main issues are consumers disagreeing with the amount charged and being charged for items they did not subscribe to,” said NCCC deputy director K. Ravin.

Ahmad Shabery cautioned telcos to be more responsible in their billing.

“It’s illogical that a phone bill should cost so much. Companies should be more responsible when charging.

“Perhaps they should emulate credit cards and put a cap on how much one can spend on roa­ming to avoid cases where people get charged tens of thousands of ringgit on their phone bills,” he said.

Expert: High price of data roaming 'very possible' 

PETALING JAYA: It is “very possible” for you to be charged tens of thousands of ringgit for data roaming, said an IT consultant who specialises in customer relationship management and billing systems for telcos.

“If you check your phone bill, you will see how much data actually cost (refer to actual bill cut-out).

“In this case, for example, you have actually incurred RM15,467.70 for 1,546,770KB (1.546GB), which amounts to 10 sen/KB (kilobyte), but this is waived because of your data plan. If you’re roaming, it will definitely be much more,” said the consultant, who declined to be named.

For example, Celcom charges RM12/MB in Singapore, RM18/MB in Australia and RM20/MB in Britain on a pay-per-use basis for data roaming (with their roaming partners).

Maxis charges RM30/MB worldwide and Digi RM38/MB. However, all telcos have data roaming plans which are more cost effective. Pricing information was obtained via the telcos’ customer carelines and websites.

“All these prices are fixed by the individual telcos based on their pri­cing strategy and arrangement with their roaming partners.

“They vary from country to country, so your roaming charge in Singapore may be different from that in the Philippines, or Britain, for example,” said the consultant.

For comparison, a single A4 Word document page takes up about 15KB, while a one-minute YouTube video clip takes up between 2MB and 3MB.

“Data roaming is expensive because you’re paying a premium for a value-added service to data roam in another country.

“It’s like having nasi lemak and teh tarik in England,” he said.

Chances are, you’ll have to pay a lot more there than back home.”

We have stringent billing process, say telcos 

PETALING JAYA: Telecommuni­cations companies say they adhere to a stringent billing process to ensure that customers receive accurate and timely bills.

Celcom Axiata Bhd in a statement said it believed that one reason for a spike in customers’ mobile spending was that many users were not “completely familiar with the features of their smartphones and the third-party apps they support”.

“Various apps, especially those for social media, GPS and messaging, rely on data connections and geo-location services that can constantly run in the background and drive up data charges for those on limited quotas.

“We encourage our customers to take some time to familiarise themselves with any new mobile device by reading the manual carefully and learning how to turn off unnecessary services,” the statement said.

When asked how it was possible for a mobile user to rack up a bill of tens of thousands of ringgit when data roaming, Maxis Bhd sales and service head Tan Lay Han said: “Maxis is committed to providing our travelling customers roaming experience via affordable data passes in over 60 destinations.

“However, not all countries fall under this arrangement. Hence, customers will be charged based on pay-per-use rates in countries that we do not have preferred data roa­ming agreements with. Therefore, customers roaming in these destinations are more likely to incur high data bills.”

A Digi spokesman said that when searching for a phone plan, consumers should make comparisons first, as “information is readily available online” for them.

“Consumers first need to understand their usage patterns, ie, how much they usually spend for voice calls and SMS versus surfing or using mobile apps, to find a plan that suits their needs,” he said via e-mail.

Should there be discrepancies in their bills, the telcos urge customers to contact them immediately for clarification.

By LISA GOH The Star/Asia News Network

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